Fathers, the number one thing you must give your family is love.
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
I remember a pastor asking his congregation how do children spell love? He then said slowly T.I.M.E. To demonstrate this another way, I would like to share one of my observations from a children’s residential facility. Every Christmas, volunteers and donors would come to this facility and shower these kids with tangible gifts. This ranged from toys, to stylish clothing, to electronics, to art supplies, etc. I noticed that these children quickly enjoyed these items but they eventually set them aside when the newness wore off. One time as the children were opening their gifts and throwing the cardboard boxes, packaging, and Styrofoam to the side, I began to stack and play with these items as though they were the toys themselves. Children quickly gravitated toward my endeavors and abandoned their new gifts to play with the packaging materials. This was not because the packaging was more fun than the toys, but because I was on their level and willing to engage with them and give them my time.
The Bible makes it clear that love is a verb. When you read 1 Corinthians 13, Paul gives us God’s definition of love. He lists about 15 different ways to demonstrate love. Each one of these attributes of love are in the verb form. For example, love is patient. Meaning if you want to show someone that you love them, you do so by being patient with them, by not keeping a record of wrongs, etc. One of the most enriching activities we have done as a family is take each one of these attributes, write it on a piece of paper, and then give examples of how God shows in His Word an example of each attribute. For example, I will write the word “Patient” on a piece of paper. We will then identify all the examples of God demonstrating patience that we can think of in the Bible. I always let the little ones go first so they can pick out the most obvious examples (e.g. God dealing with the Israelites in the desert). I will then let the older children identify more specific examples (e.g. God entertaining Gideon’s insecurities with the wet and dry fleece). We will discuss these examples of how we need to demonstrate love by being patient with each other. When we arrive at the negative commands (“not arrogant,” “not rude,” etc.) we approach it a little different. We identify ways different characters in the Bible did not demonstrate love. For example Balaam was rude when dealing with his donkey. We then talk about how we can show we love our brothers and sisters by not being rude or arrogant.
As mentioned before this has been one of the most enriching activities we have done as a family. Not only is it a fun way to review the Bible and give the kids an opportunity to engage in the lesson, but after we write each of these attributes on a piece of paper, we hang it on the wall. Mom and dad can then use it to help teach our children how to love one another. When one of our children is not showing love or is struggling to build a relationship with their sibling(s), we have a specific set of behaviors identified on which they can focus. Too often we as parents fall into the trap of saying, “You need to go love your sister. Now apologize and don’t do that again.” But we don’t always give them the tools to tell and show them how to love. With these attributes of love posted on your walls, you can teach them that by being patient, or not being rude, or endure long-suffering, they are loving their sibling. There is something powerful when you back up your parenting with the authority of the Word of God. Another beauty of this activity is that your children will be well versed in God’s standard. You can then take up your role and come alongside each one of your children and help them see how God is helping you learn these attributes as well!
If you have made it this far, maybe you’ll be interested in a short video I made on Biblical Manhood. Here is the link.
Jason