One of the solutions to maintaining the order God desires in our home is identifying the authority structure He established. The Bible is very specific in how it assigns roles for men and women in both the home and in the church. A Biblical understanding of these roles allows little room for debate on key principles. God designed both man and woman in His own image as equals. After Adam was created, God said that it was not good for man to be alone. For this reason, God created Eve from Adam’s rib. Matthew Henry said that Eve was “made of a rib out of the side of Adam; not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.” I appreciate that description of who she is to him. I also like the illustration that occurred when God created man in His (Trinity) own image. God took a part of Adam (rib) and from it created Eve. That would mean that Eve was carrying around a missing part of Adam. When I look at my wife and realize how different God made us. I desire to know and understand her so that I can better understand an aspect of God. The best way for me to understand my wife is to be in my role.
God didn’t make us to duplicate each other, but to complement one another.
Our Creator chose to form man first and gave to him the role of leader. Obviously, man is not the final authority, but is also under God’s authority. The Bible commands the husband to be a loving, servant-leader towards his wife who models sacrificial love that Christ demonstrates to the church. God ordained the husband to have the role of leading, protecting, and providing for the entire family. The example by which we are to follow is that of Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5:25-27 says, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.” Husbands we too are to put our selfish desires aside and to lay down our lives both physically and metaphorically. We are also to lead, guide, discipline, and set the standard for our families.
For the woman, she is to be under God’s authority and under the protection of her husband. She is equal to her husband, but different in position. God assigned the married woman the responsibility of being a helpmate to her husband. A Godly helpmate entrusts herself to God, follows her husband’s lead, and uses her gifts and abilities to effectively support and aid her husband. 1 Peter 3:1-4 says, “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. Adding to her role as wife, she also has the responsibility of comforting, teaching, and nurturing her children. All of these things fall underneath the umbrella of protection of her husband.
Next, the children have a role in coming under the umbrella. The children are to obey their parents in the Lord as commanded in Ephesians 6:1. When husbands and wives fall into their assigned roles, children can be easily trained into their role. Unlike men and women who have to make a decision to fall in line with their Biblical roles, children (on their own) typically do not make this decision. However, with instruction and training, children easily fall into their roles. A survey of how Christ treats children in the scriptures will demonstrate their tenderness and eagerness to please loving and understanding parents. This is not to say that children are sinless and free from carnality, but it has been my experience that a child who has been brought up in the “nurture and admonition” of the LORD (vs. 4) will have a Kingdom perspective and a desire to serve. Conversely, often times I see parents who are surprised when they have child who struggles; but a closer examination will reveal that they never took the time to capture their child’s heart.
In a perfect world this would all work accordingly if all fell into their God-given roles joyfully. We are all sinners and fall into social pressures and expectations of the culture. Be mindful of the expectations placed on you to conform to the world’s standards. You do not want to buy into the mindset of associating the value of your role based on the tone society sets. That mentality is an agenda of Satan’s trap. It is essential as Christians that our goal be seeking after the things that God delights in, beginning with a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and obedience to His Word. Any confusion or chaos that families experience will quickly be cleared up when you seek God’s design for yourself and the ones under your charge. For at the end of what we know, the treasures of this earth will all disappear. Men, it is worth every ounce of effort in being diligent in your role with your family. They need you.
May God be with the fathers who lead courageously, the mothers who come alongside their husbands with gratitude, and the children who obey joyfully.
Jason