Being A Safe Father
The Bible gives us surprisingly few instructions on how to be a good father. We can name several fathers in the Bible, (e.g. Noah, Abraham, Jacob, etc.) but when it comes to Biblical instruction on fatherhood specifically out of the New Testament the text is limited. Now this is not to say that the Bible lacks clarity on how a father should behave. The Psalms and Proverbs give an inexhaustible wealth of principles on how God’s people including fathers) are to teach and train their children, lead their wives and family, and seek righteousness. The Bible also provides several “case-studies” on wise and unwise fathers. But to find a portion of scripture in the New Testament that says, “Here are 15 key principles on how to be a good father,” well it is simply not there. While all of God’s Word is precious, there are two ways God emphasizes his commands. One is by repeating them over and over again, and the other is by repeating them once. While the former is obvious, the latter concept may seem new to you. But ask yourself, how many times does God command us not to murder? Most if not all references to murder go back to the one time He said it in the 10 Commandments. Does this mean it is not as important as stealing? Absolutely not.
So, let us look at the few instructions God gives fathers in the New Testament. Ephesian’s 6:4 says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. And Colossians 3:21 says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” Wow, that is basically it. God limits what he says to fathers and he repeats it also. This leads us to conclude that we really need to focus on this instruction. I am going to give you the 6 Ps of being a father who does not provoke.
First, a father must be patient. This is evidenced by your driving, your manner of speech, how you work, how you talk to your children, how you enter a room, and how you treat your wife and how you respond to the daily stressors of life. When you are patient, your children are not provoked by stress or anxiety you cause through your actions or reactions. Children of a patient father see him as in control and safe.
Second, a father must be predictable. Ask any POW or victim of an abusive home to describe their environment and they will unanimously say that it was unpredictable. In fact, children who grow up in abusive homes where the abuse was randomized, will almost always suffer greater effects of trauma than a child who could predict the abuse. When you are predictable father, your children can develop trust in you, in their environment, and can develop without fear of being provoked.
Thirdly, a father must be a provider. The old adage that you “Can’t buy me love, but love don’t pay the bills” is a humorous insight into the importance of how being a steady provider can calm a child’s inner fears. Children take on a lot of responsibility and shame when their basic needs are not met. This provokes a child in ways adults don’t understand. They take ownership for the insecurities within the family unit and it is a great source of provocation. When you are a father who provides, you are giving your children a solid ground on which to grow. You are meeting their nutritional, clothing, and housing needs, and creating a safe environment for them to flourish.
Fourthly, a father must be protective. Most of us grow up thinking that we will protect our family by having a shotgun in the corner of our bedroom for a late night burglar. However, we are way more likely to have obscenities enter our home through media, magazines, books, or television. Our role as fathers is to protect the eyes and ears of our children in addition to physically protecting them from the dangers of the world. A child who is exposed to sin at an early age is being provoked and defrauded, throwing them into an unknown and unpredictable world of sensuality and lust. A protective father will recognize the precious gifts he has been given by God, and care for each one of them, risking his life if necessary. While not always in the physical sense, dying to self is required. After all, this was demonstrated by our heavenly Father when he dwelt on the earth among us.
Fifthly, a safe father must be a proclaimer. Proverbs 29:18 says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepth the law, happy is he.” I can’t really think of anything that provokes me to fear and anxiety more than the thought of perishing. One of the entries in Webster’s 1828 dictionary describes perishing as, “To be lost eternally, to be sentenced to endless misery.” A safe father must proclaim the gospel. He must instill in his children the hopeless and helpless state their lives are in and point them to the Savior of the World, Jesus Christ. Acknowledging this gift of God completes the second of our commands to, “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Children who live without the Gospel will do what is right in their own eyes. They will be a slave to sin, and they will perish eternally. A safe father will give them the hope of the Gospel, he will teach them to know and fear God, and in doing so, he will introduce them to the Comforter. Children who know God the father will not be easily provoked, but will persevere until the end (Matthew 24:13).
Sixthly, a father must be present. While some people have argued that the greatest attack on the family came when women left the home and entered the workforce, I would make the argument that the greatest attack on the family came when men left the home to enter the workforce. While the impact of technological advances in business and industry are not the focus of this entry, suffice it to say that fathers need to be present in the home for a host of obvious reasons. Many of the commands God gives parents to discipline and instruct their children simply cannot be carried out if the father is not physically present in the home to fulfill his God assigned fatherly role. A child whose father is absent is being provoked because there is no steady hand to guide or disciple him or her into adulthood. Sons and daughters have different physical needs from their father, and these needs will not be met if the father is physically or emotionally absent. Conversely, a child (whose father is present and available) will have a much easier ability to grow and become resilient to life’s adversities.
Dads, take the time to be tender with your children. Jason