Design Your Days With Purpose
When you purpose to be productive and manage your time well during the school hours of the day, what is it you think of? Are math skills and grammar your top priority? Is it science projects? Is it economics? Is it more free-time outdoors, or creative, hands-on projects? Maybe it’s all of the above.
When homeschooling was a new concept to me, I had no idea what the design of my days should look like. It was fun to think about the children learning and having the space to be creative with me all day long. The reality was, I had no idea what I was doing, nor what to expect. I knew where I wanted to start, but how to begin was so foreign to me.
In those days, there weren’t blogs or books to read about doing this overwhelming task ahead of me. I didn’t know any veteran home-schooling mommies so I felt like I was up a creek without a paddle. I desperately needed some kind of direction from another woman because I felt the enormous pressure to do a superb job, and I quickly became discouraged.
Seeking the Lord on this one was a must and overtime, Jason and I found 5 crucial things that we must focus on as a family if home educating was going to work for us.
I love the story of the Puritans. Their faithfulness to their God and family is inspiring, and the hardship they endured became intriguing to me. My lineage on my Grandmother Rose’s side lies the Puritan on board the Mayflower, Priscilla Mullins. Little did I know that God would use this story as an encouragement to me. As a family, we refer to the Puritans often when we speak of being set apart for God‘s purpose, being obedient even when we don’t understand, and enduring the hard things of life.
I feel such gratitude when I think of the things they dealt with just to have the freedom to lead, teach, and train their children. I am so thankful for the groundwork they laid before us.
God revealed so many things to me over the course of that first year. I learned a lot about who He had created me to be through choosing something that went against the culture. There was a vision in it all, and I found purpose. The Puritans placed intentionality on teaching their children how to read for the sole purpose of reading and understanding the Bible. I embraced that.
I began to see that my school days didn’t need to be driven by pounding trigonometry or calculus into their head, although those are good subjects to learn. And because I was determined to do what was right by God, I was learning that our days were designed to be discipling our children through the instructions given to us in God’s word.
God designed the parents to equip their children to spread the gospel throughout the world, and practically live that out together.
What a revelation this was to both Jason and me!
We needed to tighten our belt in areas we had already been doing, and the perspective that we were being led to do. Consequently, Jason had his own walk with unlearning a lot of false philosophies in college. I had already rejected the concepts that I learned in my formative years regarding the role of a woman to her family, but I was also hearing from other mommies my own age “you have to do this” and “you have to do that” if I wanted my children to be successful in life.
I heard a lot of conflicting ideas on how to homeschool and quickly concluded not everyone has the same reasons why they choose to teach their children at home.
Being stressed out listening to every opinion was not the counsel God intended for me to absorb. I saw too much over-teaching and under-modeling and it wasn’t the perspective we were being led to. Yes, math and science are very important and has its place, but not above the Word of God. In several ways, all of these opinions were discouraging to us, but God’s gentle leading was opening our eyes to a different approach.
We looked around at this generation and many kids going off to college were falling away from the faith completely. I learned that everything the Puritans taught from the alphabet to mathematics had a Christian connotation attached to it. They trained their children with a biblical view and not a world view, constantly keeping scripture in the forefront of their minds.
If this was right in the eyes of the Lord then, it is right for our home today.
1. Discipleship
This became the main focus of our days. Daddy was leading in this area and I needed to pick up that particular torch when he went to work. Reaching my children with the gospel was my goal and now I felt like I had a plan on how to go about doing this.
Jason and I had been so programmed to believe that these major roles needed to be left up to a pastor or a youth minister, but the Bible tells us that this area is the parent’s role. The Bible does not abdicate this to anyone else.
Again, this was a completely new concept to us.
Because we believe the authority of God’s word is final and in the sufficiency of scripture, we dove into discipling our children head first. We had a desire to touch their souls with the Truth, and prayed that God’s gentle hand would lead us there.
3 John 1:4 says, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the Truth.”
Our greatest desire for them was to be so rooted in the gospel, that when their faith would be tested, it would remain unshakable.
Realistically, I know that this will only happen by God’s grace of each person in our family. We all have our own choice to make if we are going to serve Christ fully and be in His will.
Being a first-generation Christian, it is not easy to do any of this. But both Jason and I realize we have been given such a privilege to live out what walking with Christ looks like, being that example on how to love Jesus with our whole heart, soul, mind, and strength right alongside them.
Discipling our children has been such a rewarding process. It has taught me so much about God’s grace through my fears and insecurities I had as their teacher. I see them becoming hungry to know more about Christ. They ask such great questions about the things happening in our culture, and the situations that come about in our family life.
Those conversations can be so rich, and I really believe this is where the shaping of character in the family unit takes place. Approaching every situation that comes about and applying what the Lord says to each has been life changing. It certainly has been a learning process for me just as much as it has been for them.
When a hurt or worry comes their way, you can see the safety in their minds when they know daddy has walked them through what scripture says. God’s word doesn’t return void. Approaching our days like this has generated a hunger within me to read more scripture daily with them, has created an environment for all of us to grow in unity, and I am thankful for Who He is. Without Him guiding us, we couldn’t do it.
I love this quote from Amy Carmichael. “We knew that we could not expose our children to certain influences until New Testament convictions and New Testament attitudes toward life in general had become part of them, something that could not be torn out or laughed out of them.”
How very relevant that is for us as I type this. As parents, we desire that Christ is so much a part of who they are that it can not be torn or laughed out of them. I pray this every day.
2. Living Out Your Faith
With God’s grace, and as flawed as we are, Jason and I have diligently tried living out our faith in front of our children, with the good and the bad that comes.
Like any imperfect parent, there were times we felt like we failed, not knowing how to respond to some pretty difficult situations that were thrown at us. I’ve learned God knew hard things would come and it is just part of life. Nothing surprises God and He has already gone before us to fight on our behalf. His grace is with us.
Jason and I have learned so much over the years as we fail (Repent quickly and move on, right?!) Together, our goal is to continue to learn how to respond to difficult situations that arise. Jason likes to say we fail forward.
25 years ago, I never would have thought that I would be saying it is a great opportunity for children to see their parents fail, acknowledging in humility that we’ve been wrong in areas of our lives. As a child, I did not witness any acknowledgment of failure because that would be a sign of weakness. Humility was a foreign concept in my family, so were apologies.
I can not express how thankful for Jason leading in this area of my life. He has taught all of us how important it is in coming before those we fail with a repentive heart.
To this day, Jason’s parents will still apologize for mis-speaking, or even any small offense that they may have given. I can not explain in this space how much that means to me. It speaks volumes when I see the mercy of Jesus on humble people.
It makes me cry just thinking about it because that was not my up-bringing. I’m so grateful to Jesus that cycles can be broken, and by God’s grace, my children can have a different experience. As I see the value of setting the tone of humility in our home, it has helped catapult our walk as a couple as well.
I trust not only being accountable to Jason in these areas when I do wrong, but my children have helped me maintain my spiritual sharpness too. I am very aware of my sin because having those little eyes on me has become one of my greatest blessings on earth. Children really are the best forgivers and have been my number one reason why I know the sanctification process is a journey.
Because of these experiences, I now see how vital it is for our kids to see both our joys and sorrows of walking in Truth. The raw part of life is where we cultivate those relationships. And they need to see us leaning on Jesus for strength.
I hope you see it that way too.
3. Spiritual Warfare
Deal with the root problem, not the behavior you observe.
Learning about spiritual warfare was a game changer for our family. There’s typically a deeper issue going on in their heart when you see them struggle. That struggle is not necessary externally. It’s a battle of the sin that lives within them. As parents, see it as an opportunity to walk them through the gospel on how to handle their responses appropriately when dealing with sin in their heart. Maybe it is as simple as a lie that they have believed about themselves and are frustrated. The enemy doesn’t take a day off, especially with families.
Try reminding them of their position in Christ and the power they have over sin. Read Romans 6:8-13 with them. They need to see that they are dead to sin (if they have been saved). Taking the old man off and putting the new man on is a concept that they can understand if explained gently. Those old sinful patterns no longer have to control them. We all have been given the power to choose right over wrong.
These will hopefully be on-going conversations that you will have from the time that they can speak to adulthood (at which point you will then become a chain of counsel.)
When they are small, the goal is that they start to grasp that sin does not need to have a place in their life, it doesn’t have to rule over them, and they can have victory in those areas.
Applying the gospel to every circumstance in your home is so important for the foundation you’re setting. When they are adults, we pray the training we instilled will quickly come to mind, and they will go straight to scripture to solve their problems… and do business with God.
4. Instill Personal Disciplines
That daily, personal walk is key for everyone’s spiritual growth. For the little ones who can not read yet, read scripture to them or put on an audio Bible when they help you fold laundry. They can learn small portions of scripture and you can teach them hand motions that accompany each word.
When we listen to sermons as a family, the older ones will usually take notes in their journal. I have the little ones draw or color a picture of what they are hearing. It’s a great way to open up a conversation of what everyone heard after the sermon is over.
Just the other day, my 6 year old asked what Paul’s thorn was. That told me he heard what God wanted him to and he asked a good question relating to what the sermon was talking about.
As parents, the door to our heart needs to always be open for those private moments when they want to discuss something they have found in scripture. They need our interpretation to have clarity with scripture. We aren’t going to always have the answers, but these are priceless moments of shaping.
The ideas are endless of personal disciplines and it looks different in every home, especially when you have multiple ages. Just remember to constantly be looking for ways to point their hearts towards Christ.
5. The other two things we purpose as a family is to read the catechism and memorize scripture together.
Catechism’s are a great way to talk about what you believe, but more importantly, defining Who God is. Defining a Holy God is crucial to your children’s understanding of what His character is like, it is His revelation to us, and it also provides a guide for how to walk in God’s will.
When I write scripture on note cards, I find this is one way I am able to memorize it better. Reading it resounds in my spirit and my hope is that they will hide it in their hearts. This equips us to separate the Truth from a lie. And He is all we need to be able to discern life around us so we are able to spot the lie.
Your children will eventually have to make tough decisions in a culture that will be confrontational to their faith. Do everything you can to prepare them for that battle.
1. Catechize your family
2. Memorize scripture together
3. War up
4. Instill personal disciples
5. Constantly bring forth the word of God and live it out in front of them
Just like the Puritans, God has called you to be the trainers of your children. If you don’t, the world will.
In Christ,
Natalie