If anyone is like me, you relish in the times you can spend dating your husband. Oh, if I could write a book titled, If Husbands Could Read Their Wives’ Minds, it would be filled with the things women anticipated their husbands knowing about the need to be pursued, our desire to be loved, and our heart for family.
If they only knew how excited we get when they plan a little get-away or when that special date that the two of you have been saving for just got added to the calendar, they would see our love tank be filled in ways no other person can.
That intentionality goes a long way, doesn’t it?
Women love thinking of all the uninterrupted conversations they will have with their one and only, all of the moments we get to spend holding hands in romantic settings, and how giddy we can become as we make goals for our family. Truly purposing to be his most trusted friend, being his encourager, and helping him be all he is called to do is her goal.
I am a keep-it-simple, easy-to-please girl to date. I enjoy the little things like picking wildflowers, taking walks, watching sunsets, picnics, and having coffee on our back porch. My husband is an easy guy to love, and that makes my job as his wife a smoother one! He is patient, kind, gentle, tender-hearted, long-suffering, and forgiving of all my faults and short-comings.
I didn’t know it then, but the Lord blessed me with my heart’s desire when He gave me Jason. Hands down, dating him during our married life has been so much more fulfilling than dating him before our wedding day.
We have had to work on being intentional in valuing each other. Dating me after we were married did not come natural to Jason. In fact, he will tell you he didn’t know that it is a vital part of being a married couple. It has been something we have had to communicate about, discuss in detail what each other’s needs are, and be consistent in where we are at with one other.
The health of marriages matter, not only for both of you, your children and future generations, but for the people that you influence too.
I have found that when the hard things in this life come, we are more equipped today to persevere through those storms with a lot of grit and a little bit of joy mixed in. We certainly didn’t start out that way, nor was it is easy to do. Hard can be frustrating. Difficult things can be a huge let down. But we have learned to choose to let it grows us instead of define us.
The growth I see can only come from the Lord, because we have seen our fair share of difficult circumstances. That team-work that I find so intriguing about solid marriages gives me the will to fight for what is worth fighting for.
Over the years we have had to be creative in how we date because we have many children to consider. Life causes us to stay close to home during certain periods like giving birth, nursing a baby, a move, or seasons of change!
Typically, after we add another tiny, little bundle to our family, Jason will set up a small area in our room to have pizza and root beer, or a simple take out. It’s quiet, restful, and it’s just us.
My favorite.
Occasionally, our children will surprise us with making a delicious meal for our anniversary or birthday. They decorate the table, and have a waiting service where they put a lot of time and effort into creating an inviting space.
When our baby is nursing, our older children graciously allow us to get away to our favorite little coffee shop for the rest of the evening. These quick dates are some of the best ones.
They are spontaneous; but intentional.
When we don’t have our infants with us, we may go for a drive in the fall to look at all the colors, hiking in nature, or feeding the ducks at the pond.
Some things I absolutely love is when Jason grabs cheesecake at the local bakery on a weeknight. It may sound silly, but I really enjoy the simple gestures from him because it means he values our time together.
Our children have expressed when they see us be committed to one other and enjoying each other’s company, it equals a happy home. (Studies have shown this to be true too.)
Try glancing at your kids the next time you embrace your husband when he walks through the door. I bet that they will give you the biggest smile.
It’s important to me that my children see me value and respect their daddy. It not only brings a sense of contentment to their hearts, but it also gives them a sense of hope that marriage can be fruitful, rewarding, and God-honoring. To children, their daddy is their entire little world, so I try to speak with the upmost reverence.
Practically speaking, Jason and I try to spend purposeful time with each other once a week. If not once a week, then we will make bi-weekly happen.
During time alone, we will check in with each other on how we are as team players and correct any unresolved issues we may have.
When we first started dating, we set goals and parameters around our relationship. One of those goals were to not allow bitterness or resentments creep in. We both saw too many couples fall apart because hard issues never got addressed early on. I didn’t want that to be our story, so we have learned checking in with one another squashes the potential of this.
Jason is famous around here for saying, “A good marriage is a union of two good forgivers.”
We mess up all the time, so forgiveness is necessary.
I have so many great things to say about dating after your married. Praying together, laughing together, and valuing one another are a few ways to keep a relationship healthy.
It’s not perfect, as nothing is, and it sometimes ca be messy… in part because humans can mess things up fast. But growing in unity as we are pointing one another to Christ is the journey we are both on.
I am one of those wives that counts down the hours after my husband leaves for work in anticipation to see him again when he returns. I still have butterflies in my stomach when I see him driving down the road. Maybe part of that is “my help has arrived!” but whatever the case may be, he is my favorite person to be with.
I am still learning how to be selfless, servant-hearted, and long-suffering. I can mess a lot up in those areas, but it is the biggest desire of my heart to further my connection with my husband.
I know it isn’t easy being a woman, nursing, diapering, the piles of laundry, dishes, supper, etc. But I do want to challenge married women to have a desire for their husband first before their children. As you both thoroughly invest in your relationship with one another, I promise you will find your hearts being knitted together.
Natalie