Modesty starts in the heart.
I remember as a child my dad would occasionally have to purchase a new hat or cap. And as a father of two young boys that usually meant that my brother and I would also get a new cap. I remember distinctly that my dad refused to buy any hat that had a logo, a brand name, or any sort of promotion or advertisement. I remember it taking what seemed like weeks before we ever even found a hat that was plain and free from any writing or symbols.
I realized at a very young age two things. One, that my dad felt convicted about pledging his loyalty to any cause that could be brandished on a hat. Secondly, I learned that people define themselves by what they wear.
If you would like to start a great conversation with your family, I have an activity. The next time you go to a clothing store that sells t-shirts, I would suggest that you take a picture of all the varieties of slogans and sayings on the t-shirts.
Most stores these days make this very easy for you because all the t-shirts are displayed in one small section. Make sure that you take a picture of the boy t-shirts and then take a picture of the girl t-shirts. I think you will be astounded at what you find.
As you examine the pictures, what thoughts come to your mind? What are the similarities between the t-shirts for boys and girls? What are the differences? Some of you may think these t-shirts are lighthearted and funny. Well, that may be so, but what if you are wrong? Are you willing to risk the character of your children with something as simple as wearing a t-shirt with questionable sayings?
Do you really think it’s funny when a seven-year-old is wearing a shirt that says “next sarcastic comment loading” or “Great story babe. Now get me a sandwich.” At what age does that stop being funny? Or better yet, would you like your daughter to be pursued by a generation of boys who make light of good character?
As fathers, we are the gatekeeper and hold the standard for what we allow or don’t allow in our home. We will also be held accountable for that which crosses our threshold. When I refer to the term modest, I am also including clothing that which brings glory to God. So in other words, immodest clothing not only includes clothing that can be defrauding or distracting, but also any clothing that draws attention to, or elevates self.
It is at the point in the conversation that both Christians and non-Christians become very divisive, even amongst themselves. The conversation about what to wear and what not to wear has been a heated debate for centuries. I acknowledge that I am not going to solve that here. However, I do think there are some practical ways to address this complex issue.
First, we as men need to know what the Bible says about standards of dress. While the Bible does not say “Thou shalt not wear jeans and a t-shirt.”, it does comment on defrauding others (1 Corinthians 8:13). It does comment on causing your brother to stumble (1 Corinthians 8:9 and Matthew 18). It does comment on adorning yourself with outward apparel (1 Peter 3:3-4 and 1 Timothy 2:9-10).
The first basic rule of scripture interpretation is that the scripture must be aligned or congruent with other scriptures. There are many things the Bible omits, like the wearing of jeans and a t-shirt. Just because the Bible does not mention something does not mean that it is permitted. The Bible does not say anything about heroin. This does not mean that we should endorse or use heroin.
Conversely, there are several Levitical laws that we break every day, but that does not mean we are sinning. Without sound interpretation of the Bible, we quickly find that the road has two ditches, one on each side. If we are not careful we end up on one side of the ditch and we will look just like the world, or we will end up in the other ditch and become legalistic.
Our job as fathers is to define the standard through a biblical perspective that we want for our family. If there’s one thing that I have learned, it is that when you do not define what you believe to your children, Satan will.
What most young fathers do not realize is that our children are looking for us to tell them what our standard is. They thrive on knowing that “THIS” is what we believe.
Just look at those fathers who embrace certain sports teams, or a specific automobile manufacturer. Their children will embrace the same thing their father does. Why not encourage them to embrace something with eternal significance?
You may think this is a lot of responsibility, but God has called out of fathers to a higher standard than what the world considers a high standard. The world’s standards are relative and ever changing.
God’s standard never changes.
The second practical application is that we need to examine not only our own heart, but the hearts of our wife and children.
The Pharisees adorned themselves with a religious lifestyle that was void of any personal relationship with God. Early in scripture, God makes it very clear that He is not interested in the sacrifices of his children if they have a wicked heart. 1 Samuel 15:22 says, “And Samuel said, Hath the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.”
As a general rule, we can know that a child’s heart is diametrically opposed to the things of God. We know this to be true because the same sin nature lies in us as fathers. The Bible says that foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child (Proverbs 22:15). And if the truth be told, many young fathers are just aged children. I know I fit into this category for many years.
It is so important that we monitor the hearts of our children, so that we can come alongside them and help them deal with their wicked heart. Fathers, we must take care of our wicked heart before we can be effective in shepherding our family.
So how do we identify these “heart conditions” in our family? The best things we can do is pray for wisdom.
Next we have to have daily interactions with our children so that we can identify their struggles.
And last but not least, I have found that the most effective assessment tool for determining the status of my children’s heart is to ask their mother. Not only does my wife spend more time with our children, but she has insights and perspectives that God has given her that possibly hasn’t been revealed to me yet. There is a reason God has placed your wife in her role and you in yours.
God’s ways always work the best. Keep in mind that these heart conditions can be subtle. For example, when the father who endorses and only buys Chevy products has a 14-year-old son who starts to talk about how great Honda engines are, we can start to see that rebellious heart growing.
We can also take a moment to self-examine and see if we are making a false idol out of what we put an emphasis on. Though the simple act of setting a standard in our home for how our children are to dress and edify God through their clothing, we can ultimately have a glimpse into deeper matters of the heart.
Jason