How do we make safe rules for the home?
Young families that come into our home ask us about what types of rules we have, how we implement them practically, and how to get the kids on board with actually following them. We have them posted in our school room for reference because Jason and I both believe that it is important for children to have every day direction. This way, if they have a question about the reasons why we hold that standard, we can always refer to scripture for correction and instruction.
(2 Timothy 3:16) “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:”
Knowing none of us will ever master anything perfectly, we decided to title it “Accountability 432”. I grew up with a whole lot of rules without any kind of healthy relationships. There is a lot of isolation, oppression, and neglect that comes along with that kind of parenting, and frankly, it is entrapment. We can not do this to children if we want them to be successful, law abiding citizens. There must be logic that follows any moral rule.
This accountability sheet holds everyone in our home to the same standard, including Jason and me. In my childhood, the rules were forced to be followed in a very legalistic way, and my parents became major hypocrites to their own words and actions. (more on that here) There isn’t anything that will push a child away more from Christ than a parent presenting behavior such as, “Do as I command, not as I actually do.” For this reason, a God-honoring standard was birthed for our home’s safety.
For example, anytime we ask one of our children to lower their voice when speaking to their sister or brother, it reminds Jason and me to do the same. I want us all to hold each other to that standard of respect, kindness, and to treat others with the level of compassion that Jesus shows us.
And this introduces why we picked the number 432. It comes from the scripture verse Ephesians 4:32 “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
I will give you the condensed version of what the accountability sheet states, so you get the general idea. Some of these are just an encouragement to do what is right. Again, I add a scripture reference to each one.
I encourage you to create your own with the scriptures the Lord places on your heart. Pray about it. Every home looks different, standards can vary, so feel free to use any or all of these if you find that some of these work for you.
If anyone ever tells you “don’t tell…” the first thing you do is run straight to daddy and mama to tell them!
Your body belongs to God and He gives good rules to help keep you safe.
No one is to touch my private parts but me when I bathe.
I keep all my clothes on except when I bathe.
I will lock the bathroom door to dress and bathe myself.
I stay in a group. I will not pair off in 2’s or 3’s.
Display joyful attitudes even if you have been mistreated.
Be quick to forgive.
Use soft words even if you don’t feel well.
Look for opportunities to praise other’s character.
Deflect praise and be grateful to God and others for the ways they have benefited your life.
Be respectful of other’s belongings.
Do right, even when others may not be.
Never argue, complain, or blame.
Be quick to admit when you have done wrong and ask for forgiveness. Don’t wait! The power of sin is in secrecy.
Look for ways to serve others with sincere motives.
Think pure thoughts.
Give a good report of others. Do not gossip.
Do not tale-bear unless physical harm will come to someone.
Never raise a hand to hit, a foot to kick, a voice to yell, an eye to scowl, or word to intimidate.
Do your very best to keep your surroundings neat, clean, and orderly.
Never let the sun go down on your wrath.
Jesus first, others second, yourself last. J.O.Y.
Make serving your family a priority.
Yield to the younger one.
No scaring anyone.
It is never about being right. It is about having the right response.
Do not mock others. Develop compassion and pray for others.
Be a fountain, not a drain.
Your theology must be your biography.
Produce more than you consume.
Make your talents tools for God’s glory.
Be faithful in the little things.
Breathe life into others. Encourage!
Natalie