Mother.
When you hear that word, most of you will have warm, pleasant thoughts. You reflect on how comforting she is, and your heart just fills with gratitude as you think of her gentle ways. Your memories of her being in the home, making meals, and creating an atmosphere of joy in your family brings a smile to your face. She spent time with you. She read to you. She sang to you. She prayed for you. Without a doubt, you know she loved you because she said it, and you felt it in her touch.
But for some of you, you can feel your blood turn cold as ice at the mention of her name. The very person that was to comfort and encourage you, didn’t. Just the thought of her brings you a great deal of grief, disappointment, and confusion in your heart.
As the old adage goes, “Mothers are the thermostat of their homes.” Mothers have so much influence, and oh how I desire that all mothers realize how important their presence is in the lives of their families.
Whether we are aware of it or not, we all are surrounded by thermostats. These nifty little devices help us regulate the environment around us. We have thermostats in our cars, in our homes, on our water heaters, washers, dryers, refrigerators, virtually anything where regulating temperature is a concern.
The two basic components of a thermostat are a thermometer and the dial we set that sends a signal to turn on/off the cooling/heating device.
What is my point in explaining this? There is a distinct difference between a thermometer and a thermostat. The thermometer tells the current temperature, and the thermostat is what we desire the temperature to be.
Growing up, we were not to touch the thermostat on the wall. This little gold device looked similar to a clock and had a dial where you set the temperature. In several of the houses I grew up in, the thermostat was set very cool during the winter, and was fiercely regulated.
Since grade school, my feet always hit the floor early before the bus came, and in one particular house that we named Opal’s place, I would stand by the register in the bathroom wishing to turn the heat up just enough to knock the chill off. I would stare at the tiny digits on the knob in hopes to hear that old heater roar.
As a mother myself, I believe the old adage is true. We are the thermostat of the home. We have the privilege of setting the tone for the day. When we wake up with a smile, a kind word, and a hug, the temperature in our home is warm and cozy. But if we are harsh, critical, and distant, the temperature in our home becomes a cold place to dwell.
When I started my own motherhood journey, it was difficult to know how to create the right type of atmosphere. And if it had not been for Christ in me, challenging and teaching me along the way, I would have repeated a cycle I didn’t care to experience again. I had no prior knowledge about how to respect my husband, how to care for my children’s needs, and to enjoy the process of building a family together. Needless to say, I was winging it as a young mother the best way I knew how.
I had a deep desire to learn ways that built a restful and harmonized home, but the roadmap was definitely not there.
I can remember seeing a few Dick and Jane books from elementary school, but when I looked around, I realized June Cleaver did not exist.
These sweet little children’s 1950’s book gave a version of a homemaker that was a bit unrealistic. She wore a simple dress, but vacuumed in her pearls and high heels. It portrayed that perfectly “put-together-woman” seamlessly doing it all, and it left me scratching my head.
Here she was always smiling at her children as she hung her laundry out to dry. The children would run through mud puddles while she giggled at the dog chewing up daddy’s boots. She beamed with delight as the children played happily with one another. And when father came home from the office, all embraced him with hugs at the door. This was what I envisioned happy families to be.
As I examined my own childhood dynamics, it left a lot of questions unanswered. I desperately wanted the book version of what the homemaker represented. I desired to be the mother that resembled this kind of joy in her spirit, have the perspective of unity, and to have the right response when the dog chewed up daddy’s boots. 🙂
Somewhere in between June Cleaver and my grandmothers, they gave me a point of reference, so I continued to question the philosophy of feminism (which was embraced by my mother.) I knew there had to be a balance to the conflict, and I was determined to find it.
Being raised in numerous government school systems, and cared for by several different sitters throughout childhood, I yearned for the kind of family that was predictable and dependable. I wanted to be my children’s primary teacher, nurturer, and be their biggest source of encouragement.
Proverbs 14:1 says, “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”
And Proverbs 25:24 says, “It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.”
As I have combed the scriptures of every verse that has to do with being a woman, it has transformed my journey of being my children’s mother. It has shaped my perspective in every way possible, and mothering has become a role I have grown into. It can not come second to any other thing in my life if I want a relationship-based outcome. I take this gift very seriously and value what the Bible has to say about a woman’s role in her home.
Each time I am gifted with another baby, I think about Mary when the angel came to her to be the mother of the Living Savior. She wasn’t discontent or argumentative with the new role God gave her. “And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her.” Luke 1:38 She surrendered to a life as the mother of Christ immediately.
This taught me that once I surrendered to the life He has blessed me with, Jesus wins in my home.
Do you ever find it easy to have the most pleasant tone when life is smooth sailing? Oh, how easy this comes. If you are anything like me, I find it to be more challenging to set the right temperature for my family when I am tired, weary, or sick? Some days can be really hard and overwhelming. Life can throw some pretty nasty curve balls that I never see coming.
For me, when a challenging season comes, more than likely, in those moments of weakness, I am being spiritually attacked. My faith will be tested in ways I wish it wasn’t, but I have learned I can make one of two choices. I can either give up hope in the hard, or I can choose to see what God is teaching me through my weaknesses.
I don’t know about you but that is where my true character is revealed… in the real life, hard, and most difficult of circumstances. It’s not easy keeping the thermostat in a normal range if life feels really crazy. Regrettably, as any human, I have been guilty of losing my cool or saying something out of frustration.
This is what I know to be true.
I set the tone by my daily walk, the choices I make, and the smile I bring to my family. What I place value on is what speaks the loudest to my husband and children. And when I place value on certain things, that is what my home will reflect. Today, I have the choice to set the daily thermostat.
When I can possess the character traits of joy, hospitality, unconditional love, being tender, gracious with my time, and having a nurturing spirit, my home will reflect the nature of Christ.
It will never be perfect, but I can still be mindful of whatever it is I do. How I do those things needs to be a reflection of Christ, including setting the right tone.
Here are the 3 Fundamental Truths That Have Helped Me Keep The Thermostat Consistent In My Home. These have been LIFE SAVING for me!
I pray you find this a blessing.
Natalie