Whatever mothering wisdom I have has been learned through much trial and error. I did not have the blessing of a mother interested in teaching me how to be a woman, a wife, or a mother. My lessons were all learned the hard way, so there are plenty of mistakes I make along the way. I am grateful my children love me despite all of my errors and imperfections. Children represent such a beautiful depiction of who Christ is to us when we are flawed.
Early on when my children were small, I asked God to point me to Godly women who had wisdom and the tools that I lacked. Being a mother takes a lot of perseverance, and I am grateful the Lord put into my heart to value family unity, and children over anything this world offers. I knew parenting would be hard, but I have learned that hard isn’t the same as bad.
As misdirected as I feel at times, I am so glad that God didn’t quit when it appeared to be too hard. They have all been worth that process of sanctification to me. Each one has taught me something different.
I get asked a lot if there is anything that I would do differently. Of course I always say yes. There are plenty of things I would do differently if I could. But I do think there is a danger in reliving the past and feeling guilty for things you have no control over.
And guilt isn’t a gospel message. Jesus came to die for the things we were ignorant of or had zero training in. The Lord doesn’t want us to live in any kind of shame, or reliving all the regrets of our choices. That is the devil’s handiwork, so let’s not help him waste any more of our time dwelling on what has been repented of and forgiven.
With that being said, let’s move right into the top two responses that always come to mind when I get asked what I would change:
1. I wouldn’t put so much pressure on myself. I tend to have high expectations of myself to “get it right” and when I failed, I thought God was disappointed in me. It has always been important to me to learn from my mistakes. I bought into the lie that I will never be good enough. That pressure I learned to carry with me wasn’t allowing me to absorb God’s grace on my life. I learned to ask God for His strength instead of relying on my own, and learned the negative tones of others were not the deciding factor of my joy. I was free to let go of any burden that others, or myself, willingly carried around.
2. I would trust the Lord with my family a lot more. When I was a young mother, I would often feel a burden that it was all up to me. It caused me to feel extremely guilty and have many fears of future failure being mama to the few children under my charge. What I know now that I didn’t know then is, God loves my husband and children more than I ever could possibly understand. Their walk with the Lord is His business, not mine. There is nothing I will ever do that will be the deciding factor of their salvation. The scripture I sat on for years and years was Philippians 1:6. I learned to have faith that God was going to see me through motherhood and my children through their lives until the day He calls us home.
What I wouldn’t have changed:
1. Being at home with them every single day. I nurse them. I rock them. I swaddle them in slings as I go about the day. I am present with them. I spend hours and hours holding them when they are sick. I cook with them. I have bandaged more wounds than I could count. I talk with them. I read with them. I love on them. I process with them. We have opportunities to go on outings together. Never will I regret the time I have been allowed to have with them. Time spent was well spent and you can’t ever buy that back once it is gone!
2. Developing my own relationship with the Lord, and living it out with my children from day to day is something I found necessary for me and for them. I learned that unless I found my encouragement through the scriptures and fed myself spiritually, I would have had no base from which to have had an influence on my children. A famous quote from an evangelist once said, “Women should first cultivate their souls that in turn they may cultivate the souls of their children.”
Children need to see us living a life of joy serving Christ if they are to understand the Christian walk. That overflow of the heart from mother is vital.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 God commands parents, “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.” Then he goes onto say, “Impress them on your children.” Before He tells parents to teach, God tells us to be seeking Him first. You can not impress something on your children that you don’t possess yourself.
Looking back at all the happy memories we have had so far all have to do with investing in a relationship with them. Hear my heart dear mamas. God has done a mighty work in me. The process of me working endlessly to shape, teach, train, correct, redirect, and instruct really has shaped me just as much, if not more, than it has them. I wish I could tell my young self that it is a process. Embrace it! It is meant to be lived out.
Natalie