You were laid to rest today… a day short of being married 62 years! I’ve been filled with different emotions all week thinking about you and what you meant to me. You were nothing short of a miracle in my life, and I thank you for always accepting me for who I was, and was to become. I only hope I can spend that many years with Jason being the gracious woman you were to Grandpa… and that my children and grandchildren look at me the way I look at you.
I know you have been ready for the day you would meet Jesus. I always tried to be ready for the moment you would no longer be on this earth, but there is no way to prepare for any death. I knew you were at peace the instant you would pass on, but no matter how many times I knew the reality of losing you, the days will just never be the same without you in them.
I know you know every word I am writing, but I thought I would mention a few things as the grieving process this week has pulled at every emotion I have. In that same breath, I am pleased in knowing you have no more pain and no more worries. I have expressed so much gratitude to you in so many ways… but for those that didn’t know you or knew you in passing, I thought I would give them a little insight on what kind of woman you were to me.
You alone gave me a sense of compassion for people. Your service to humanity was a testament to the person you were. You simply loved people. You showed amazing grace to the people you surrounded yourself with. You were a peacemaker. You were a constant steady and ever-present in our family. You were always there breakfast, dinner, and supper serving with a cheerful spirit. You always had a kind word and joy in your heart. You weren’t perfect, but you were faithful and loving towards grandpa. You were a nurturing mother to your boys, and always found ways to let your grandchildren know how special they were to you. You always recognized the injustices of the world, and we would have nice, long conversations about it.
Your life shaped mine.
When I needed you most, you were available. You met me where I was. You were always excited to talk about my school day when I got off the bus. You loved the imperfect journey and different seasons of life that we experienced. If you were just sent here on earth to simply love others, you did just that.
The impact you made on my life and in my heart won’t ever be expressed in words as accurately as it was lived out.
When I look back on my life with you, I think about how true to your word you were. I think about the delight you had in your heart even though life was never easy. I think about the smiles and warmth you brought to others. I think about the love you had for those that were hurting. I think about the light that radiated in you. I think about the hope you brought me as a woman. I think about how good you were… just simply good. I trusted you, and it felt safe to be with you.
I will always miss that.
Tonight, as I was sitting on the back porch watching the sun go down below the hills, I thought of how you took time to sit and find the beauty in everything. The sky was painted lovely pinks and purples. If you were here watching it with me, you would say, “Isn’t that pretty Natalie?”
I now have taken the simplicity of what you surrounded yourself with and have applied it to my own life with my children. Whether you knew it or not, you were the willing vessel in my life to help shape my character.
I remember so many lunch dates when we made sandwiches for the guys in the field. I remember big thermoses of instant sweet tea and Tang that you allowed me to make all by myself. You asked me to spread Miracle Whip on everything no matter how imperfect it looked.
Your love for service towards your family was something I felt secure in. You placed other’s needs before your own. I couldn’t put it into words then, but watching you create an atmosphere of warmth no matter how hard life became really has stuck with me. In short, you were grateful.
Your love of homemaking was something I dreamed of as I watched you wipe a dish, or fix a meal. If I had to pick who I’d spend my days with, hands down it would have been you.
It’s only been 5 years since we physically moved away. I didn’t get a chance to see you as often as I did when we lived closer, but I am comforted in knowing we exchanged many conversations and letters during that transition. If I had two words to describe those phone calls, it would be joyful and cheerful. I’m grateful for those last conversations.
I absorbed your love for simplicity. The unimportant didn’t stumble you. You made it clear that the things of this world shouldn’t keep me from my purpose either, and to just pick up and journey on. Thank you for being an encouragement to me.
There probably will not be a day that will pass that I won’t think about your voice cheering me on to continue my journey with my ever-growing family. I am so grateful for the opportunity to be a part of your life. I have a special place in my home of a photo of you and grandpa as a simple reminder that I will see you again.
Well, it’s dark now, and the moon is as bright and full as I have seen it this spring. It is incredibly beautiful and you would say so.
I love sitting here thinking about you and knowing you are forever happy. I will tearfully miss everything about you. Never again will I walk through the back door and see your welcoming smile. But it does make me look forward to the day we will embrace at Heaven’s gates and spend eternity together.
Thank you for showing me the love of a mother’s heart. Through the eyes a little girl, thank you for loving me well.
Natalie