What is your purpose in life? This is a question I ask all my children from a very young age. While there are some good answers, there is only one right answer. The correct answer is, “to know God.” John 17:3 says: “This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.” Once or twice a year I need a refresher on who God really is. I will pick up a book like, A.W. Tozer’s Knowledge of the Holy, or R.C. Sproul’s Holiness of God, or J.I. Packer’s Knowing God, or I will submerse my family in a series of sermons that deal specifically with the attributes of God. In fact, we just finished a series of video sermons on this very topic. During our discussion time following one of the sermons, I asked my kids why I struggle so much with remembering who God is? Why do I have to go on this quest multiple times throughout the year? This led into a lengthy discussion on the depravity of man. There is a common adage amongst theologians and students of the Bible that says, “The closer you get to God, the further you realize you are from Him.” I believe one of the most under-taught doctrines in the church is the doctrine of depravity. This drastically effects not only our Christian walk, but it effects every aspect of our home life, our relationships, how we spend money, and every behavior in between. The more we study who God is, and the more we compare and contrast our existence in light of God’s holiness, the more we realize we need a savior.
As the men in our homes we have several tasks laid out in scripture. First, we are to worship God. Second, we are to love our wives (singular) and wash them with the Word. Third, we are to teach and train our children in the admonition of God. What makes this complex is our fallen nature and our wicked hearts. All of the struggles that could possibly occur in a home are the direct results of our depravity. Expect it. Count on it. Plan for it. In fact, 100% of mankind’s problems are the direct result of our sin nature. The purpose of this entry is not to make that argument or even debate our fallen nature, the purpose of this entry is to recognize the impact our fallen state has on our relationships with our wives and our children.
Let us look at parenting for example. When my child engages in sinful behavior, the last thing I should be is surprised. I am not surprised that they are tempted to lie, cheat, steal, or have malice in their heart. I don’t trust them. The reason I don’t trust them is because I know their dad. He is a wretched man. At times he is not even trustable, so why would I give them a pass? But what I will do, is come beside them, shoulder to shoulder, as a brother in Christ and talk about how to overcome temptation. To talk about repentance and restoration. To talk about consequences for our behaviors. To discipline (root word disciple) them when necessary. To pray with them, and to introduce them to the gospel. My main objective as a father is to introduce a Holy and merciful God to my children. If my children think they have good already stored up in them, and they simply make a few bad choices here and there, then they don’t really see a need for a savior. But, when they realize that the Holy Spirit is the only thing that is restraining their diabolical behavior, then they will have a different perspective on the glorious, free gift God gave us, his son Jesus Christ. And without a relationship with Christ, they will stand in front of a Holy and righteous God that will judge them according to every idle word they have uttered, and every sinful thought that they have entertained.
How many times do we miss the opportunity to preach the gospel to our children? One of the standard questions my wife and I ask parents who have successfully raised Godly children is: What things can we do to help our children take on their own relationship with Christ, so that when they leave our home, they are able to stand alone and walk with God despite the circumstances around them? The two main answers we get are: 1) You have to be a credible messenger (e.g. not a hypocrite), and 2) They have to understand their need for a savior. When your children understand the gospel and the process of sanctification, then the Holy Spirit starts to take on a regenerative role in their life. Behaviors that were once looked at as bad choices can be reframed into the context of sin and separation from righteousness. There is a sense of harmony amongst family members as you pray for one another and bear one another’s burdens. The power struggle between mom and daughter becomes between mom and flesh, and daughter and flesh, and mom and daughter are now on the same team but dealing with their carnal natures instead of each other. Fathers can have in-depth discussions with their sons about the power of lust in a sensual world, rather than finding consequences for sexualized behaviors.
The gospel will transform the family. The more we know and understand His attributes, the deeper our need for Him. In closing, I want to add that these in depth studies of God’s attributes may reveal more and more mysteries about the Holy One. While it may be a source of frustration and confusion for some of you, hang in there. The Proverbs say, “It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out” (25:2).
May God bless you as He reveals Himself to you and your family.
Jason